Are You Flourishing?

I’ve come to think that flourishing consists of putting yourself 
in situations in which you lose self-consciousness and 
become fused with other people, experiences, or tasks. 
It happens sometimes when you are lost in a hard challenge, 
or when an artist or a craftsman becomes one 
with the brush or the tool. 
~David Brooks

A person is considered to be flourishing if they perceive that their life is good, that it is going well. Flourishing is a combination of psychological well-being and effective functioning.

Individuals who are flourishing "learn effectively, work productively, have better social relations, are likely to contribute to their community, and have better health and life expectancy" (see Huppert & So, 2009).

People mired in addiction or severe forms of depression and anxiety are said to have mental health problems. They might be experiencing difficulties and unhappiness. As such, they are described as "languishing".

To flourish, an individual must have all three core features below and at least three of the six additional features (Seligman, 2011). I will briefly discuss them.

Core Features

Positive emotions. These emotions can range from amusement, awe, gratitude, to inspiration, peace, empathy, and happiness. It is fueled by the desire for enjoyment and unity, and therefore takes the whole into consideration--interacting with others and whatever is worth connecting to in your world.

Engagement. Did time stop for you? Were you completely absorbed by the task? Engagement is being in the "flow," of being focused, with emotions and mind aligned to accomplish goals and projects.

Meaning. This is "belonging to" and "serving" something that you believe is bigger than the self. Being involved in a cause (i.e., running for breast cancer, advocating to eliminate child poverty) provide meaning and purpose to one's life.


Additional Features

Self-esteem. Do you like your self? Self-esteem is a crucial feature because it affects how you think, act, and relate to others. Self-esteem is your opinion of your self, the value you place on your self.

Optimism. This is the ability to see the positive side of things, of looking at the glass half full (instead of half empty). It is being hopeful and confident about the future or successful outcome.

Resilience. Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, or crisis. It is "bouncing back" into shape and to thrive despite unfortunate experiences.

Vitality. This is the state of being strong and active. It is the ability to endure, to be fully alive (not just  partly alive) and be enthusiastic about life. Goals cannot be realized without vitality in mind and in body.

Self-determination. This is the ability to make choices without external interference or pressure. Ernest Henley sums this up neatly in the last stanza of his poem, Invictus:  "I am the master of of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

Positive relationships. Human beings are meant to relate to one another. Feelings of indescribable joy, the sense of profound meaning, and the highlights of your life took place around other people. Other people provides antidote to the ups and down of life--providing shelter when life is stormy and oodles of sunshine when life is good.

The primary question to you, my dear reader, is: Are you flourishing? Do you experience the three core features of positive emotions, engagement, and meaning? And do you experience at least three of the six additional features?

Why is it important for you to flourish? To flourish is to grow, to develop, and to become the human person you were meant to be or wanted to be. Dreams are concretized when you flourish. The world is a better place when you flourish. Other people become your inspiration when you flourish. You feel good and on top of the world when you flourish. Need I say more?


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Have a good week, dear readers! As usual, leave your comments below. Take care!

Acquiring Resilience

Whatever it is, if it doesn’t make you happy, walk away, give it away to someone else who wants it. Let it be their next dream; let it flee from you. Then you have room to grow, to allow magnificent things to fill the vacuum of those seemingly empty places. When you hold onto yesterday, when you hold onto dead and dying adventures, you have no room in your box for greatness.

~Author Unknown

One of the ways to develop resilience is to embrace change. Realize then that your situation is not carved in stone. You have the power to change your life if your situation contributes to your unhappiness and suffering. 

I know of some people who stay in a loveless marriage because of their children. I have unhappy friends who are stuck in their job because they need to have an income to support their family. I know of some women who are mistreated by their husband but don't know where to to go or what to do, so they stay.

Stagnation will get you nowhere. The change that comes with developing your resilience will propel you towards a new direction, to an undiscovered greatness, and to a strength you thought you never had. 

Acquiring resilience would depend on the following self-efficacious behaviors:

Can you pick yourself up? To develop resilience, you must be able to wither life's problems and traumas by picking yourself up, getting on with your life, and getting the resources you need to soothe yourself. This inevitably requires change, from being in a dormant state to a flourishing one. To flourish means choosing positive emotions over negative ones, to be engaged in some worthwhile pursuits  rather than be stagnant, and to live a life of purpose as opposed to being aimless (see Martin Seligman, 2011).

Can you solve your problems? To acquire resilience means you believe that all problems have a solution, that you have the ability to find the answers, and that you can free your self from  problems that inhibit you from following your dream. You are realistic enough to know that life will always have problems yet you have the inner confidence that because you have solve previous problems, you are better equipped to solve new ones. In due time, you would have gained the wisdom to navigate life's problems without fear and apprehension.

Are you raised in a supportive environment? Resilience involves being raised in an environment where people believe in you, where people see the best in you, and where you are allowed to learn from your mistakes. You need role models from family, friends, and relatives who demonstrated how they pulled themselves together in times of crises and difficulties. You need people in your environment who modeled what it is to have positive attitude despite hardships (see Alicia Salzer, 2011).

What is your coping style? Acquiring resilience means being able to respond fittingly to events that you have no control of. Salzer describes four emotional coping styles and I will summarize them below: 

1. The Mouse: The coping style of the mouse is to ruminate and spiral into negativity. You could feel exhausted, overwhelmed, hopeless, powerless, in need of rescuing, or in need of escape.
     
2. The Bull: The coping style of the bull is best described as anger. In your world, there is a right and wrong, a way things should be done, and you harbor past slights and fantasize about revenge.


3. The Bee: The coping style of the bee is that of engaging in a whirlwind of activities but you are not particularly aware of how you are feeling beneath the surface. You get more than in a day than most people do in a week and you are often highly accomplished.
   


4. The Wolf: The coping style of the wolf is staying calm, cool, and in control. You rarely lose your temper and you don't burst into spontaneous tears. Past experience taught you that the only person you can count on is yourself.

Can you try these? If you think your coping style does not allow you to be resilient, you can try the following alternative coping style to stage your own rescue intervention, according to Salzer:

• Borrowing the tools of your heroes: You can use the example of your heroes (or other people you admire) to help you explore alternative ways of responding and coping with challenges. 


• Assume a character you want to be: Choose a character who has a better coping style than your own and go to the real world and play out this character as if cameras are rolling. Behaving like your character may set you in a new direction emotionally, one that will help you better able to cope.

Becoming more resilient involves change, a movement from one situation to, hopefully, a better one. You would need to harness your ability to stand up if you fall, brush yourself up, solve your problems, be surrounded with supportive people, improve your coping style, and most importantly, to believe in yourself.

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I hope this article will help you thrive and flourish to become more resilient.

As usual, please feel free to leave your comments below.

Have a good week, my dear readers!

Seeing the Best in You: Part II

To be nobody but yourself in a world doing its best 

to make you everybody else means to fight 

the hardest battle any human can ever fight 

and never stop fighting.

~ e. e. cummings

Last week I wrote about Seeing the Best in You: Part I, where I described some of the qualities that make you a wonderful human being.

Today, I would continue to explore other qualities that make you an amazing person.

Here they are:

Love. You are capable of deep love, commitment, and connection. Your connections go beyond the human level and you feel you are a part of nature, such that you care for your environment and its wildlife. Also, you measure wealth in terms of the quality of your relationships, be it with your family, friends, or co-workers.

Love of learning. You are always learning something new, regardless of your age or education. You are excited at the prospect of knowing things you have not known before and you use all kinds of resources to accomplish this--from physical to mental, from analog to digital, from books to ebooks, from old to new, from history to geography. You delight in learning about various cultures and how people are similar and yet different. 

Open-mindedness. You are not rigid about right and wrong, about how things are done, about how people choose. You realize that the world is not "black and white" but also shades of grey. You are always willing to understand others' points of view without compromising your own values. 

Perseverance. You believe in working hard, in being focused, and in getting things done. You are not easily discouraged by the height of the mountain you have to climb or the rugged valleys you have to traverse. You know that you can accomplish things if you just stick to your goals.

Perspective. You have the ability to see the big picture. While others may be confused, you see situations clearly. Although you might be immersed in your subjective experience, you also have the ability to be objective and thus see the antecedents and consequences of certain decisions and events. 

Prudence. You always take time to think through first before acting. Being risky and impulsive is not part of your personality. This is shown in careful deliberation before making important decisions. For instance, you are not an impulsive lover or buyer. And you are careful not to say things that you will later regret. 

Self-regulation. You have the ability to control your self. You balance your desires with an anticipatory knowledge of consequences. You sometimes indulge but not over-indulge. Your impulses do not get the best of you and you know that the reward is worth the work and the wait. 

Simplicity. It is elegance in having few, whether it is in clothes, make-up, furniture, house arrangement, or in writing. You appreciate simple moments and things, without too much complication and clutter.  

Spirituality. You believe in the transcendence. Your internal dialogue is attuned to Someone who is your guide and solace when situations are joyful or difficult. Your insight and understanding of some universal truths and forces provide rich context in your life.

Zest. You are blessed with energy and enthusiasm. You make things happen, you love your life, and are excited about your plans. In short, you have the "joie de vivre" and you are a magnet to people because of your cheerful enjoyment of life.

These are some of the qualities that constitute the best in you. There might be other important qualities as well that I have not included here. 

Take note that you are not born with these qualities; they are learned over the years and can be difficult to master. Thus, I say to you, you are becoming more wonderful each day.

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As always, feel free to leave your comments below. 

You can also suggest any topic of interest and I will do my best to write about it.

Have an awesome week, dear readers!

Seeing the Best in You: Part I

No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, 

you are special, and you still have something unique to offer. 

Your life, because of who you are, has meaning.

~ Barbara De Angelis

Never go through life without affirming that you are special and unique. Nobody is like you. Anybody can be a parent but not like you. Anybody can cook but not like you. Anybody can be a friend but not like you. Anybody can laugh but not like you. Anybody can love but not like you.

Today, I would like you to think of how amazing you are, no matter what has happened in your past and  despite your insecurities and failures in the present. Today, I would like you to look at the best in you and celebrate your magnificence. 

Below are some qualities of the wonderful person that you are:

Authenticity. It is possible you have hidden your true self from others, once in a while. You might be afraid that others might not accept you for who you are and so you pretend you are someone you are not. But the best part in you is your real self. Your genuine self is unduplicated and this makes you special and unique. Therefore, you strive to be your real self.

Bravery. Every hurdle you have made, every problem you have solved, every trauma you have overcame has made you brave. Deep inside you is a courageous person, constantly slaying some some inner demons and fighting some external battles. You are unafraid to speak your mind, even if your idea is unpopular or controversial. You stick up for those who are wronged but do not let anyone be cruel or unjust to you.

Creativity. You have the inner resources to be a genius in your own way. You paint, write, take photos, decorate, and learn something new. You are ingenious, flexible, and original. You believe it is never too late to hone your creative self. Colonel Sanders began his franchise when he was in his 60s, Grandma Moses started painting in her 70s,  and Bill Taylor started drawing in his 80s. Right now, you might be at the cusp of your own creative genius. Whatever your genius be, you're doing it!

Curiosity. Your best self is fed with your curiosity. You try new things, learn new skills, and experience adventures you haven't had yet. Although it feels comfortable to be in your familiar surroundings, you sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, to try unchartered waters. You know there will always be something new out there to experience. 

Excellence. You strive to be your best, whether it is as simple as cooking a meal or as complicated as writing an annual report. Mediocrity is not part of your game plan. The drive for excellence emanates from within you, not from outside you. It is a striving for more, such that you become an outlier, in the context of Malcolm Gladwell's book, Outliers.

Fairness. You believe in fairness and equality. If you are wrong, you admit it. You make sure everyone in your family or group gets a fair chance. You don't want to take credit for somebody else's achievements but instead make sure that praise goes to the person who deserves it. You feel frustrated when you see others treated unfairly.

Forgiveness. You are not one to hold a grudge and revenge does not interest you. You do not intentionally hurt someone even though they have injured you in the past. You have the ability to let go of blame, anger, and frustration. You realize that forgiveness means canceling any wrongdoing that has been done against you and moving on in the right direction.

Gratitude. You feel that you are blessed, regardless of what has happened in the past. Even in the midst of hard times, you maintain perspective on all the good things in your life and feel lucky of small gifts that come your way. You appreciate people and what they bring into your life. 

Hope. You believe that circumstances will become better. It is a wish in your heart that good things will come, even if your surroundings are dreary. This quotation sums up hope for you: "Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible." You also know that it is when its darkest that stars appear their brightest.

Humility. You maintain the grace of humility, being aware that life is constantly changing. You realize that no matter how hard you work, there is no security in your today, more so in your tomorrow. Life can be taken at any moment, a misfortune can happen, and an event can turn your life upside down. You are aware that false pride is looking down on people while humility is looking with them and being with them.

Humor. When times get tough, you can still see what's funny in your situation. You have the ability to experience joy despite adversity. You have a gift of making people laugh to lessen tension. Humor keeps you sane and grounded.

Kindness. You have a feeling of good will to anyone or anything, including animals. Kind words, kind deeds, and benevolence show the best in you. For you, every act of kindness is a message from your heart to another heart, an unspoken "I care" statement. You use soft words and avoid gossiping, finding fault, and making negative judgements.

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Greetings, dear readers! This article is Part I of Seeing the Best in You. I hope you find this article resonating with you. Read Part II next week.

Don't forget to leave your comments below.

Meanwhile, enjoy your week! 

Are You Stuck?

You are responsible for your life. 

You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. 

Life is really about moving on. 

~Oprah Winfrey

I have been reflecting about how some people who have unsatisfied needs are stuck, unable to satisfy and fulfill certain needs. In the process, they might become morally confused and diffused. Their integrity collapses under the burden of meeting some of their unsatisfied needs.

I remember studying Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to understand human motivation. I became fascinated with his notion of the five human needs, arranged in a hierarchical order. Below is the chart:

For Maslow, human beings are motivated by unsatisfied needs, with basic needs calling for satisfaction first before one can move to self-actualizing needs. These basic needs are: physiological (survival needs such as water, air, food, sleep); safety (security in employment, heath insurance, safe neighborhood); social (belonging, love, and affection); and esteem (self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition, accomplishment). Once these needs are fulfilled, an individual can develop toward greater growth for self-actualization.

You might have some disagreements about Maslow's theory of motivation (which may not perfectly explain all of our life's goals and actions) but for now, let's focus on the first five basic needs. 

Do you know of some people who are stuck trying to fulfill their survival needs? Then their focus is the day-to-day need for food, water, sleep and other basic necessities that would ensure their survival. If these needs cannot be met, they could get stuck in this level. In the process of satisfying these needs, they may look for ethical ways to fulfill them (i.e., getting a job) or choose the easy but unethical route (i.e., steal, use people to fulfill their needs, engage in prostitution). 

In my research of older people and their motivation, there is evidence that they move towards broader attachments and connections as they age (i.e., religion and spirituality) while self-centeredness declines (Tornstam, 1999; Coleman, 2000). However, you might know of some older people who are still stuck in their survival needs, even if they are financially stable. As a result, they use unethical ways to obtain properties and money, to the extent of lying and committing forgery, to get what [they feel] they need.

Let's say a person has satisfied his survival and safety needs but his social and esteem needs are still  deficient for some reasons. Perhaps his former girlfriend left him which leads him to question his self worth. Using Maslow's theory, it is obvious that unless he is able to fulfill his social and esteem needs, he will be stuck in these levels.  In the process of satisfying his need of love, affection, and personal worth, he could become very selective (being careful not to re-experience being dumped) or may just fall for any girl that comes along. This person might even develop a dependent-obsessive personality, which in turn could turn off most girls.

Which level are you in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? 

Are you stuck in any of these levels? 

What ethical ways will you choose to meet your needs?

Don't forget to share your comments below.

Have an awesome week, dear readers!

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Sources:

Coleman, P. (2000). Aging and the satisfaction of psychological needs (Commentary). Psychological Inquiry, 11, 291-293.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Retrieved from low.com/m_motivation/Hierarchy_of_Needs.asp

Tornstam, L. (1999). Transcendence in later life. Generations, 10-14.

A Peek At Integrity

In looking for people to hire, look for three qualities: integrity, 

intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, 

the other two will kill you. 

~Warren Buffet 

If honesty did not exist, it would have to be invented, 

as it is the surest way of getting rich.

~Earl Nightingale

If you look at yourself in the mirror, and ask if you can be trusted with another person's life and possessions, and if, without blinking, your answer is Yes, then you are a person of integrity. 

If you are a person expecting others to have integrity, you must have it first yourself. In the words of St. Augustine, "That which you want to ignite in others has to be burning in yourself."

We are drawn to people with high moral standards. We like people we can trust. We feel safe with them. 

We desire our leaders to have integrity: citizens of any country clamor for it from their politicians; employees desire it from their managers and bosses; religious people expect it from their clergy and priests; and stockholders demand it from corporations.

We want to see integrity in our families: a truthful son, a faithful husband, a just father, an honest mother-in-law, a dependable daughter.

We expect integrity from our friends: their loyalty, honesty, trustworthiness, sincerity.

What is integrity?

The word originated from late Middle English, which means "intact." In Latin, it is "integritas", which means wholeness, completeness, purity, and integratedness. The dictionary defines it as "the quality of being steadfast and honest" (New Oxford American Dictionary). It implies good character, decency, fairness, sincerity, and trustworthiness. It is a key character strength and virtue (Peterson & Seligman, 2004).

Of the 555 personality-trait words (see Anderson's ratings, 1968), the two highest rated were sincere and honest, with loyal, truthful, trustworthy,  and  dependable all in the top 10. Conversely, liar and phony are the two least desirable traits, with dishonest, untruthful, dishonorable, and deceitful all in the bottom 10. 

Why is integrity important?

Personal strength. If you were to make a choice between an attractive but untrustworthy person and a plain but honest one, I am sure you will choose the plain but honest one. The honest person has personal power because this individual has set the bar high when it comes to personal values. The honest person will be sought after and will be in demand, while the dishonest one will ultimately lose family, friends, and social approval.

#1 quality in excellent leadership. A good leader says what he means and means what he says. He is consistent (i.e., fulfills promises and observes expectations he creates), coherent (i.e., acts on the basis of norms and values irrespective of the relationship in question, does not support double-standard of morality), and constant (i.e., acts the same way in similar situations, is not a chameleon; Kaptein, 2003).

Social necessity. Integrity is an important aspect of any civilized society. We go to our bank and expect that our saved money, up to the last centavo, is safe. We buy groceries and feel confident that the items we purchase are as good as the labels and expiry dates written on them, and in paying for them, we trust that we get the correct change, up to the last centavo. 

Your integrity (or lack of it) defines who you are. It specifies where you stand in in situations that call for tough decisions and responsible actions. 

Who you are will be shown in a day-to-day basis, when you have to make choices between competing values which could affect those people you love and care about.

Remember that between two values, always choose the higher value.

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This is just a peek at integrity. I am curious as to what factors lead some people to be liars, dishonest, cheaters, and deceitful. Is it their childhood environment? Is it their unmet needs? Is it the influence of others? Is it greed? Is it genetics (inheritable)?

Let me know if you have questions or if you want to suggest aspects of integrity to be discussed in my blog next week.

Thank you, dear readers, for visiting my website. Enjoy the rest of your week.

Sources:

Anderson, N. (1968). Likableness ratings of 555 personality-trait words. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9, 272–279.

Kaptein, M. (2003). The diamond of managerial integrity. European Management Journal, 21(1), 99-108.

Peterson, C., & Seligman, M.E.P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. New York: Oxford University Press. 

The Happiness Advantage

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging 
to a particular mode of happiness, but in allowing happiness 
to change its form without being disappointed by the change; 
happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.  
~Charles L. Morgan

Today I will write about the happiness advantage--that which fuels creativity, success, and health.

Creativity. Recall the time when you created something remarkable such as a a poem, a painting, lyrics of a song, a vase out from clay, a radio, an antenna, an innovative idea, or any work that has some kind of value. What was your mood at that time? Depressed? Sad? Happy? Angry? Relaxed?

A meta-analysis by Baas, De Dreu, and Bernard (2008) examined 25 years of research (1981-2006) on the relationship between mood and creativity. The extensive study revealed that creativity is enhanced more by positive moods (e.g., happiness) when compared to neutral moods (e.g., being relaxed);  negative moods (e.g., sadness) were not associated with creativity. The meta-analysis covered 66 reports with a total of 102 independent samples and over 7,000 participants.

Creativity involves one's ability to solve problems, generate new insights, and create new products and services. It is critical to both survival and prosperity.

Success. We have been told by parents, teachers, and friends that if we work hard, we will be successful. And once we are successful, then we will be happy.

So we think that if we can finish a degree, find a high-paying job, find the person of our dream, then happiness will follow.

Research however shows the opposite: It is happiness that fuels success, not the other way around. This was also the core message of Shawn Achor's book, The Happiness Advantage.

An extensive review of relevant literature by Lyubomirsky, King, and Diener (2005) found compelling evidence that happiness (defined as the frequent experience of positive emotions), leads to successful outcomes within all of the major life domains (i.e., work, love, health). Being successful is defined as accomplishing those things that are valued by one’s culture and flourishing in terms of the goals set forth by one’s society.

The review was documented from three classes of evidence: cross-sectional, longitudinal, and experimental.

When Lyubomirsky, et al. examined cross-sectional studies, they discovered strong positive relations of happiness with an array of desirable attributes, propensities, and behaviors (e.g., positive perceptions of self and other, sociability, prosocial behavior, likability, creativity, and coping, among others).

When the same researchers explored a number of longitudinal studies they found that (a) long-term happiness precedes the successful outcomes with which it correlates (e.g., thriving, fulfilling and productive work, satisfying relationships, and superior mental and physical health); and (b) both long- term happiness and short-term positive emotions precede the desirable resources and characteristics with which they are related (e.g., prosocial behavior, physical well-being, and adaptive coping).

Lastly, they scrutinized a sizable experimental literature which offered strong evidence that short-term positive emotions cause a range of behaviors paralleling success (e.g., engagement with others and the environment, better conflict management, more flexibility and original thinking).

In short, this extensive review of related literature provides strong evidence that happiness can lead to success.

Health. If you are an unhappy person, it might be to your advantage to adapt a happy disposition or maybe learn how to be happy. An extensive review of literature by Diener and Chan (2011) indicated that subjective well-being (life satisfaction, absence of negative emotions, optimism, and positive emotions) causes better health and longevity. These researchers reviewed 160 studies to determine if subjective well-being, such as happiness, predict health and longevity.

Diener and Chan found substantial and compelling evidence that subjective well-being (i.e., being happy) was related to health and longevity while negative emotions (i.e., depression, anger) play a major role in the development of cardiovascular disease and its progression.

They have other interesting findings: optimists had a quicker post-surgical recovery among bypass patients; pessimists had higher blood pressure levels; positive emotions were related to better immune function and greater tolerance for pain.

The evidences from the studies mentioned above highlights the benefits of positive emotions such as  happiness. However, it would be unreasonable to conclude that only happiness accounts for all forms of success and thriving. There are other variables, such as intelligence, family connections, lifestyle,  and physical fitness that contribute to one's creativity, success, and health and longevity.

I wish you "chronic happiness," my readers!

Enjoy your week. Be happy!

Don't forget to leave your comments below.



References:

Baas, M.,  De Dreu, C., & Nijstad, B. A. (2008). A meta-Analysis of 25 years of mood–creativity research: Hedonic tone, activation, or regulatory focus? Psychological Bulletin, 134(6), 779 – 806.

Diener, E. & Chan, M. Y.  (2011). Happy people live longer: Subjective well-being contributes to health and longevity. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being. doi:10.1111/j.1758-0854.2010.01045.x

Lyubomirsky, S.,  King, L. & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803– 855.